Tired

Sometimes I'm really tired being a person who has high self-regulation,self-awareness and self-consciousness.I am constantly aware of what am I doing and I am constantly thinking of the consequences and the decision I make,how would it affects my others,my dear friends.Most of the time I am the one who need to come out with ideas and lead the plan,when plan doesn't go according the way,I need to think for a replacement.

I need to make myself really matured so that my friends can rely on me.

I didn't know since when,I started to absorb more and more things from my friend,and I hardly let mine out.Been being more like a sponge.

The best part ever is,I am constantly aware of my own thoughts and feelings.In additional with psychology,this has make things worse,I can psychic already (nah,just joking).With psychology,it makes me even more contradicting.When I'm down and sad,I know when my depression will come.And I clearly know it is a depression.Rationally,as a psychology student,I shall cease it by doing my very best to find out the solution,no matter in what situation,and never let it happen anymore.But as just a normal human being at age of 21,sometimes I'd really really want to just be a girl at age 21.Depression?Leave it.Grow out of it,go through it, and learn from it.

I am constantly having schizophrenia,hearing two voices in my head.One telling me "hey,you're a psych student,you should know what it is and what to do with it". Another voice would be "hey,take it slow,learn from it,take your time to heal".

That's the time where I need to choose.

For now,suddenly I really feel like just do whatever I want without thinking ahead for the consequences.But I just can't.I guess that's the bad thing of thinking way ahead at age 21.