Change

I've been a people-pleaser for 22 years.Practically my entire life I've been a people-pleaser.I knew that myself and I wanted to change that since I was 16.But I've never been successful because I was too soft-hearted and I cared too much for people,for how they feel and how would they think of me for every single action I take or every single word that comes out from my mouth.I simply cared too much for people around me until last year,Lynn invaded my life.I can't say that she's my best friend but she's a very good & close friend, and definitely a huge influence at this stage in my life.Since she came into my life,I changed a lot and a lot of you couldn't take it.Some of you still misses the old fione where she cares about everyone and everything under the sun and the one who dedicates every bit of her energy to care about you, talk to you, and be there for you.

No,I am no longer that fione you used to know.I was so careful with everything I do to the extend where I can never please myself.There are so many things that I wanted to do or I wanted in my life but I've let them go because I care about how people will feel about me doing it or having it.When I was in a relationship,I cared too much about how he feels about some clothing to the extend where I didn't buy a lot of them because I was afraid he wouldn't like it.Everything I want to buy I'd have him see it first and ask for his opinion before I eventually buy it.

I've always been somebody else for you guys.I've never been able to be myself.Never.And I'm very tired and sick of it.For countless times where I keep questioning myself,why am I so weak?Why can't I stop caring?Why do I even feel bad and most times,feeling guilty when I do things slightly my way?Why just can't I be selfish for myself for just this once?I keep questioning myself if I was wrong for doing things my way.It's such a torment.

I'm tired.I am really tired being so self-conscious,mind about how other looks at me and how other thinks of me,and hate myself for being a person where I put others' welfare before my own.Lynn's right.At the end of the day,who will even think that "oh,fione's been treating me so good and I should treat her back that way too".Hardly any will treat me back the way I treat them.I've learned my lessons throughout the years but still I get hurt over and over again from the very same mistake.

Someday.Someday I will eventually find someone that takes me for who I am.I'm not saying that I will completely stop caring,but I just want to learn to be a little bit more selfish for myself.I just want to be able to make myself happy.I just need to stop thinking that it is alright to sacrifice my own welfare for others just to see them happy,or being able to see the smile on their face is worth everything.I just want to make myself happy.Am I asking for something that is impossible for me to have it?

I just want to be happy.That's all I want.I'm sorry if this change has brought pain to any of you out there.But I'm 24 and I never been really happy before.It's about time for me to please myself,make myself happy before I am out there,helping and making others happy.

New year's resolution

1)Make my current saving to 10k
2)Must graduate by end of this year
3)lose 10 KG! wah a bit the hard right this 1.
4)Never repeat the same stupid mistake ever again.
5)Move on for betterment of life
6)Build good relationship with my friends
*7)Get an LV bag* (optional,can either buy myself or get someone to buy /gg)

I guess this will be all for now.Can never be too greedy in life (:

Me <3 Sales!

Woohoo~ I went Zara warehouse sales yesterday and I'd say it was madness but awesome!The Zara clothes were filthy cheap, along with some other brands like Massimo Dutti and Bebe!But I'd say only certain items from Massimo and Bebe were worth grabbing only.As for Zara,grab everything you could la!It's really filthy cheap!Loved the warehouse sales and I wish I can go again!

Here are my catches of the day

Zara's basic top..RM19.90 (:



Top from pull and bear, RM29.90



My best catch of the day...Can you imagine this baby only cost me RM9.90 from Zara?



Here's another of my best catch...My first ever top from Bebe, RM79 and the original price was RM189.90.



Loved the sales!I sooooo wanna go again and dig some more!

Ignorance is bliss

I happened to watch what happens in Vegas last night,staring Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher. At the end of the show, Cameron said that the most blissful thing one could have is to be alone,need not to please anyone,and need not to do anything.

So,inspired by her words,my plan today is to do nothing,which is quite successful.I've been snuggling on my bed for the whole morning and continuing throughout the whole afternoon. Yes and I feel dam relaxed can?Play with my phone and listening to songs that I feel like listening.Repetition doesn't seem to bored me though.Loving day like this should come more often.Now I finally understand what ignorance is bliss is. <3!

Can't wait for newmoon,although some show critics says it is a disappointment.But..regardless of anything...How can a big twilight fan like me missed out the movie?

Prawn fishing!

Last Saturday sent baby Teddy for grooming and while waiting for him,baby bug and me went to this shop in Kepong which we can fish Prawns.It cost RM15 per hour and I forgotten how much he paid,as we fished for 2 hours.RM60 or more plus rental of the fish rod.

I would say for impatient human being like me,it is considered as fun also.Wait for the prawn to come and eat your bait,then you have to be skilled enough to pull it up.I had a few prawns ate my bait and escaped because I pulled the rod in a wrong way and they managed to escaped T_T

My first prawn!So proud so proud.



Baby bug's first prawn



Our prawns!



And they ended up dead X_x



I have to say,although these are fresh water prawns but they taste really good.And this shop in Kepong, they keep putting in more prawns into the pool and yeah it's quite easy to fish prawns there.And according to baby bug, this shop is good because they give fresh bait (freshly cut big worm) and at least they are honest to give you whatever you have fished.The shop he went in Puchong changed their and gave him frozen prawns.

And those prawns ended up in our stomach the same night as baby bug cooked a sumptuous dinner with all the prawns with chili paste.

Last but not least,a groomed handsome cute and hot baby Teddy!



Very cute kan? <3

See...Like father like son.Both look so alike!

This is what friends are for!

-you are meant to take advantages of your friends,because you know true friends will never leave you no matter what you do to them.

M.I.A

If you guys have wondered where have I been for the past 2 weeks,I've been away for my holiday.Last Tuesday,I went to Langkawi with my babes from college and I really had a great time there.Tell me how could I not,when can of beer is RM3 and can of coke cost the same.For the two nights,I've been knocked out by Alcohol.Let's not forget the beach and the sun tanning.I've gotten tanner and I swear,I think I am as dark as an Indian,not that I am racist or being stereotypical here.

And then,I went Genting also.I did not gamble because it took me a lot of time observing how the thing works.And I wanted blackjack but I couldn't find any table with blackjack ): and the Genting trip was a bit disappointed because the day I went up,it was so windy and foggy and they closed the outdoor themepark.Hey!I wanted a ride on CorkScrew so badly. ): emo emo.

My college will start next monday,and tomorrow I think I will head to BorneoInc for tattoo.See if I can pick anything up from there.

My new found loves

From left - My new Gucci canvas bag.Using it as my college bag.The right,my new pink Gucci's spring/summer collection.Loving it to death.It's so spacious that I can stuff my cosmetic pouch,my wallet,a thick novel,such as eclipse,my shawl,and a water bottle.Woohoo!The only thing that short is short of a compartment that I want to use it to put my keys and my credit card holder.Now I need to look for another separate pouch to put my credit card holder and my keys.Boo.

Bottom - coach wristlet.Strictly for clubbing purpose only!Loving it!So many compartments and zippers!


Besides busy enjoying my holidays,I also managed to finished first 2 books of the twilight series, Twilight and New Moon.I am half-way through Eclipse, and the last book,Breaking Dawn is with Icey.Since I stupidly and stubborn enough to insist not to watch the movie before I finish reading the book,I have to spend extra money to buy Twilight's DVD.Not that I am complaining (I am,actually.),but I am more than happy to collect all 4 movies,since I have all 4 books.

Luv luv luv!!

S u m m a r y

I'm on my short little semester break for 2 weeks.3 if you want to count this week because apparently my last paper was on tuesday so yeah.Been hanging out a lot...Drinking in particular.Next week I am going to Langkawi,spend 3 days there to enjoy the sunlight,getting tanned and drink until I get wasted. *hope I get cute angmos*

Then on the first week of April,I am heading to Genting and Malacca.So busy!$$$ also gone into drain.According to my credit card statement,I have spent 1.8k last month.What did I bought la. ~.~

The other day I went to La Bodega with my friends and we sat there practically the whole afternoon to play Taboo.It is so fun playing taboo and now I am planning to get a set so that I can bring it along when we go to Langkawi.Loser drinks.

So random post.But its kind of the summary of what I did.Thesis one next semester (: Gambateh peoples!

P/S: Emobear is now a cheaterbear!

My grannies part 3

Time flies.It is already a month since my grannies were born.In fact, this coming weekend will be the 5th week they are brought to this world.And they've grown so much in such short time!From them being infants until now able to eat the cat food on their own,running around inside the tank and yet still being mummy's babies - stick to their mummy and sleep together,oh so sweet.

Baby when he/she was 3 weeks old.Look like a little sheep sleeping. XD

My little baby thorn ball /gg I went and disturb my little granny until he curls up so tightly ahaha XD Taken at their 4th week

Bug's planning to sell all of them, and I might cry the hell out of myself ):

My grannies part 2

Here are more pictures of my grannies.They have grown so much within a week!To be frank,I am really amazed and happy that all of them are growing up happily!!I miss them a lot!Can't wait to see them!




See!Within a week,they have grown significantly!

Granny <3 babies

Cause of Death

I have came to a conclusion in regards to my own COD.It is either I will end up with stomach or esophagus cancer,holes in my stomach or esophagus due to too much acid or anything got to do with my stomach or esophagus.

Starting this semester,around end of February,I have been having difficulties with food and my digestion.It is bad enough that normally I already eat so little,now I even eat lesser.And after I eat,it will at least take me 45min to 1 hour to feel better.After I eat,I feel like throwing out (sign of pregnant,ey?), even in the simplest form of food,oat and cereal.Of course,it will be so much easier for me if I just go and puke.But I didn't want it,as I am afraid that it might become bulimia later.Eat and throw out.No good,no good at all.

And oh,let me introduce my new friend to you,mr or ms insomnia that have been introduced by my stomach problems, I guess.I have been having difficulties in falling asleep or sleeping.Even if I get to sleep, I will have not have more than 4 hours of sleep,and those 4 hours of sleep,definitely not quality sleep.

Old friend,I am so not glad to have you back.Stay away from me as far as you could.Each time you come to pay a visit,the condition gets worst.

New friend,I am so not glad to meet you.Please get out of my life,never be seen and never be heard again.

Thank you.

Because I have such friend Part. 2

Emobear have been kind enough to share with me this video on youtube, and this video is kind of related to Japanese punk-rock,Jrock or whatever it is classified as. I like the song and the hair.Check out one of the guitarist's hair in red and the drummer's hair in blue.So damn nice and artistic.Mie likey.Imagine if I were to have that kind of hair and color in Malaysia.Definitely alot of people will look at me like I am some kind of walking alien or monster.Sad sad.But I really like the hair like, a lot. Check out the video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zh7ty1CssYw&feature=related

And here's the later part of our conversation.I'm a gay,wtf?

Welcome to the family!

I was supposed to watch marley & me today, but instead I stayed home the entire day. Putting aside the fact that I did not purchase the tickets before hand, the more prominent reason is that baby Rara gave birth to 4 little cuties yesterday and today, hence why I wanted to stay home and just observe them.The giving birth process was 2 at a time kind of thing.Now 4 of the cuties are sleeping with their mummy,Rara.Rara on the other hand, are not able to sleep as tight as she normally does,as she got 4 babies hiding under her stomach.Not easy being a mummy after all eh?

I loved all these babies.They are way too cute,like seriously.Sometimes when they sleep with 4 legs to the sky and not able to overturn themselves,they tend to make noises,Rara will go and sayang them by licking them to comfort them.Motherly love ey? <3 When they make noises, that's what always draw my attention.I've been constantly worried that Rara might accidentally put her full weigh on them without her realizing when she was asleep.But now, it is seemed that Rara is doing a great job so far.I'm so proud of you,baby girl.

Meanwhile, Rara have been eating and drinking very little as compared to last time.And I'm a bit worried too.If she doesn't eat as much and drink as much she might not be able to produce enough milk to feed all these babies.

Wondering if brownie knows he is already a daddy of four.Hmmpm.

Here is a picture of my 4 little cutey grannies.They are very small,half a finger's size or less.

I hope all my grannies are able to survive and grow up healthily. That's what I concern most right now. *crosses finger and pray to God for the first time*

Phuture,Zouk

Thanks to Merlin @ Phillip,he brought me to Phuture yesterday night after movie in Pavilion.I've never been into Zouk before,only heard Edric baby saying that he used go Velvet.I like Phuture.Much better than Euphoria,like seriously.Nice and comfy seats,way better musics played.As sad as it sounds,clubbing in Euphoria sometimes does not give me the clubbing feeling,probably because of the songs played.But Euphoria have humongous dance floor and hence,I will have less tendencies of being stepped by heels,literally.

I have discovered an advantage of being a girl,that is I can keep check out other girls and not to be called a pervert.Seriously most of the girls yesterday were hawt hawt hawt.Hahaha.What I did the whole night was to sit there and check out other girls.Hang out until 2am then drive home already.Mie likey. /lv

But I could barely sleep.I think I went to bed around 3,woke up around 5+ thanks to teddy baby's barking,and woke up around 7 again.Tried getting back to sleep for an hour or more,I couldn't sleep so might as well wake up,blog and do assignment.

/sigh.Sleepless,again.Bad for my skin and my eyes.Bad bad bad. /sigh

Valentine's

I am very contented with this year's Valentine's,because he bought me something and he hid it really well.I did not expect him to buy me something as usually he wouldn't,as things on Valentine's are overpriced.

But this year,he got me dozen of rose and a baby Fifi!

Baby Fifi is a custom made pillow from http://beanipet.blogspot.com/, owned by our friend.Junjun.Check out her business blog!She have different pillows and it is all handmade!Cool stuff alright?

Here are some pictures we took during Valentine's.

My baby fifi


Us and baby fifi
Roses are red...Orly?


Thank you for the surprises! <3

Confession of a shopaholic

I am still trying to find out if I am a real shopaholic.How do you define shopaholic?Like...Impulsive buying?Erm...I guess I don't do impulsive buying.So I am not one,right?

But...I can shop for the entire day without any men by my side...And as weird as it sounds,I am starting to love shopping alone.Yesterday I spent a great 6 hours inside Pyramid,skating and shopping.Then at 7pm,I went to 1U again.Crazy,right?Shopped there for another...2 hours?Then went for foot massage.

Such enjoyable life I have.Shop for the whole day then have foot massage.Jealous not? :p

Bali trip

Hey peeps.I'm just too lazy to upload all the pictures I had from my trip to Bali.There are like plenty of them and uploading them on blogger is a pain in the you know where,cause the margin run like mad when you upload an image.But,if you have my facebook,do check it out.Most of them are there on my mukabuku.

So,I'm just gonna sum it up :D Yes,being lazy I am.

The trip is really fun.I never expected Bali to be such cultural and religious place.I thought it was supposed to be very westernized as there are a lot of Westerners there.You can see them anywhere at any minute without fail.

The place I love the most is Tanah Lot,the so called floating temple.Actually it is not really floating but surrounded by water.It is really beautiful and with much shame,the day we paid a visit to Tanah Lot it was raining and we did not have an umbrealla.So we had to hurry and we did not really walk around.

Here are some pictures of Tanah Lot.

Beautiful,isn't it?

Things in Bali is filthy cheap.I did not know why people told me that things in Bali is expensive.And before I depart,people was telling me that couple who go there for vacation will end up break up after they get back,as it is cursed for relationship.Well,that's a cool tale.

Anyway Bali is really a religious place.Almost in every house there's a small temple kind of thing for them to do their prayers.And every day they have to pray for 3 times with flowers.

Food thereare superb,not just cheap,but they taste really good.You just have to try their Balinese sambal.It's sooooooooooooo good.Miss it already.So spicy and yet you just can't stop eating them.Well,that was what happened to me.

Also,clothing there are dirt cheap hehe.The key of buying is buying is negotiate and negotiate.But,do remember that if you're not interested,don't even ask how much does it cost,especially in the morning to the afternoon.They have this superstitious that the first customer will bring them good luck for the rest of the day.If you happen to be their first customer and you negotiated or asked them for the price and you did not buy,they will keep bug you until you buy,or they will even scold you for ruining their day,make them no business for the entire day.This applies only to the street vendors and those walking around to sell their goods at the beach.

What else.Hmmpm.Can't remember for now,will edit again if anything to be added in :)

Pedi

I got myself new pedi.And I love my new pedi color.

P/S:I know I have ugly feet and my toe nails are uneven and small,cause they were all broken.So don't complain okies.

Merry Christmas!

Miemie hearts rara

My baby rara.She've grown so much for the past 2 weeks.She is now as big as brownie.

Ahhhh.I miss my girl girl.