This is gonna be my second entry on P.S.I love you!I can't believe that I get to watch that again on Star movies.Like...Wow!Although...I'm still standing on my point where I think the book is still better than the movie...But second time watching it made me cry again.It's not as bad when I read the book but it still made me cry for second time.
And I especially love a quote from the movie which is not in the book.
-We're so arrogant, aren't we? So afraid of age, we do everything we can to prevent it. We don't realize what a privilege it is to grow old with someone. Someone who doesn't drive you to commit murder or doesn't humiliate you beyond repair.
Yes it's right...So right to the point.So many women out there are afraid of getting old,afraid of the effects of aging,they'd do anything and everything at all to prevent it.Botox, plastic surgeries and what not just to make themselves look young and pretty.But what happen to the other half?Does he mind about it?The ultimate goal of marriage is to be together with someone you love dearly and grow old together.In the traditional Chinese wedding vow,it says that regardless of alive,old,sickness and death, till death do us part or something like that.Other vows also mention more or less the same thing,to offer unconditional love,to cherish and honor one another regardless of sickness,for better or worse and for richer or poorer.This is the meaning of a marriage.
Yes...I guess most of us have forgotten what a privilege it is to grow old with someone we love dearly.The process of finding the right one is already difficult enough,and yet we, as human still have the old habit of taking things for granted.People have forgotten why they got married at the first place,they have forgotten the vows they made during the wedding ceremony.It's supposed to be sacred and once you make that vow,you should commit to it.Till death do us part.
Another dialogue from the movie
-When daddy left, I was fourteen, and I said... never again, no man. And then I meet Gerry. This wonderful man happens to me and then, and then, and then he died! What was the point? I'm so angry I could kill somebody. I'm alone, and it doesn't matter what job I have or what I do or what I don't do or what friends I have, he's not here. I mean you're alone no matter what.
In the movie,she found the right one.But he died young.They would've grow old together if they could.People just doesn't cherish and appreciate what they have until they've lost it.We know it but how many of us truly cherish what we have?
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Change
I've been a people-pleaser for 22 years.Practically my entire life I've been a people-pleaser.I knew that myself and I wanted to change that since I was 16.But I've never been successful because I was too soft-hearted and I cared too much for people,for how they feel and how would they think of me for every single action I take or every single word that comes out from my mouth.I simply cared too much for people around me until last year,Lynn invaded my life.I can't say that she's my best friend but she's a very good & close friend, and definitely a huge influence at this stage in my life.Since she came into my life,I changed a lot and a lot of you couldn't take it.Some of you still misses the old fione where she cares about everyone and everything under the sun and the one who dedicates every bit of her energy to care about you, talk to you, and be there for you.
No,I am no longer that fione you used to know.I was so careful with everything I do to the extend where I can never please myself.There are so many things that I wanted to do or I wanted in my life but I've let them go because I care about how people will feel about me doing it or having it.When I was in a relationship,I cared too much about how he feels about some clothing to the extend where I didn't buy a lot of them because I was afraid he wouldn't like it.Everything I want to buy I'd have him see it first and ask for his opinion before I eventually buy it.
I've always been somebody else for you guys.I've never been able to be myself.Never.And I'm very tired and sick of it.For countless times where I keep questioning myself,why am I so weak?Why can't I stop caring?Why do I even feel bad and most times,feeling guilty when I do things slightly my way?Why just can't I be selfish for myself for just this once?I keep questioning myself if I was wrong for doing things my way.It's such a torment.
I'm tired.I am really tired being so self-conscious,mind about how other looks at me and how other thinks of me,and hate myself for being a person where I put others' welfare before my own.Lynn's right.At the end of the day,who will even think that "oh,fione's been treating me so good and I should treat her back that way too".Hardly any will treat me back the way I treat them.I've learned my lessons throughout the years but still I get hurt over and over again from the very same mistake.
Someday.Someday I will eventually find someone that takes me for who I am.I'm not saying that I will completely stop caring,but I just want to learn to be a little bit more selfish for myself.I just want to be able to make myself happy.I just need to stop thinking that it is alright to sacrifice my own welfare for others just to see them happy,or being able to see the smile on their face is worth everything.I just want to make myself happy.Am I asking for something that is impossible for me to have it?
I just want to be happy.That's all I want.I'm sorry if this change has brought pain to any of you out there.But I'm 24 and I never been really happy before.It's about time for me to please myself,make myself happy before I am out there,helping and making others happy.
No,I am no longer that fione you used to know.I was so careful with everything I do to the extend where I can never please myself.There are so many things that I wanted to do or I wanted in my life but I've let them go because I care about how people will feel about me doing it or having it.When I was in a relationship,I cared too much about how he feels about some clothing to the extend where I didn't buy a lot of them because I was afraid he wouldn't like it.Everything I want to buy I'd have him see it first and ask for his opinion before I eventually buy it.
I've always been somebody else for you guys.I've never been able to be myself.Never.And I'm very tired and sick of it.For countless times where I keep questioning myself,why am I so weak?Why can't I stop caring?Why do I even feel bad and most times,feeling guilty when I do things slightly my way?Why just can't I be selfish for myself for just this once?I keep questioning myself if I was wrong for doing things my way.It's such a torment.
I'm tired.I am really tired being so self-conscious,mind about how other looks at me and how other thinks of me,and hate myself for being a person where I put others' welfare before my own.Lynn's right.At the end of the day,who will even think that "oh,fione's been treating me so good and I should treat her back that way too".Hardly any will treat me back the way I treat them.I've learned my lessons throughout the years but still I get hurt over and over again from the very same mistake.
Someday.Someday I will eventually find someone that takes me for who I am.I'm not saying that I will completely stop caring,but I just want to learn to be a little bit more selfish for myself.I just want to be able to make myself happy.I just need to stop thinking that it is alright to sacrifice my own welfare for others just to see them happy,or being able to see the smile on their face is worth everything.I just want to make myself happy.Am I asking for something that is impossible for me to have it?
I just want to be happy.That's all I want.I'm sorry if this change has brought pain to any of you out there.But I'm 24 and I never been really happy before.It's about time for me to please myself,make myself happy before I am out there,helping and making others happy.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Goodbye,ginger bread man
Still recall my first ever gift for him was 3 years ago,which I purchased it from a bakery.I was still working part-time in KLCC and I got it right after my shift ended.The queue was long and the gift I wanted was running out fast but in the end,I got it still.And the girl was kind enough to offer me to write something on it.
that's the first thing I ever got him as Christmas gift 3 years ago.Truth to be told, I never buy that kind of gift before also.Still remember we ate it together on our anniversary, where I decided to overnight at his place after the countdown and fireworks and whatnot.That's when I changed my own life.I had him in my life as the closest person to my heart.Well,things changed.Now,I no longer have him in my life.He's spending his Christmas with someone else who he have on his heart,the place in his heart where I used to be.
The saddest part for me is losing a close friend.He said that we can still be friends.But his action says it all.No greetings for Christmas and New year from him at all.
This year,it felt like a dejavu to me again.I bought him the same gift I got him three years ago after my shift ended working with World vision.I was stupid enough to still held the hope of eating it with him.But this year,this gift will never be delivered.Instead it will be going into a rubbish bin after I blog about this.And this will be the last time I ever buy this as a gift again.This gift really remind me a lot of him,and our time we had together.
However,I am gonna stop living in my past memories.I am going to throw this undelivered gift away.And yes I will.
The one I got for him in 2006's Christmas. See what I wrote on it.
The one I got for him in 2009.The one that's undelivered.
Goodbye,ginger bread man.You'll live as part of my memories,forever.
that's the first thing I ever got him as Christmas gift 3 years ago.Truth to be told, I never buy that kind of gift before also.Still remember we ate it together on our anniversary, where I decided to overnight at his place after the countdown and fireworks and whatnot.That's when I changed my own life.I had him in my life as the closest person to my heart.Well,things changed.Now,I no longer have him in my life.He's spending his Christmas with someone else who he have on his heart,the place in his heart where I used to be.
The saddest part for me is losing a close friend.He said that we can still be friends.But his action says it all.No greetings for Christmas and New year from him at all.
This year,it felt like a dejavu to me again.I bought him the same gift I got him three years ago after my shift ended working with World vision.I was stupid enough to still held the hope of eating it with him.But this year,this gift will never be delivered.Instead it will be going into a rubbish bin after I blog about this.And this will be the last time I ever buy this as a gift again.This gift really remind me a lot of him,and our time we had together.
However,I am gonna stop living in my past memories.I am going to throw this undelivered gift away.And yes I will.
The one I got for him in 2006's Christmas. See what I wrote on it.
The one I got for him in 2009.The one that's undelivered.
Goodbye,ginger bread man.You'll live as part of my memories,forever.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Rynn Lin ft. Sheila Majid - Melodi
This song is specially dedicated to this someone special of mine <3
So sorry that I couldn't put this song onto my blog's music playlist because it's not available ): So this is the only thing that I could do for you.
I hope you like this! :D
Kau melodi yang indah
Menusuki jiwa
Tanpamu
Hidupku tak bermakna
多么实在的感觉 望着你的脸
这一刻 我到了被人遗忘的永远
Pertemuan yang tanpa diduga
像迷路的人找到回家的路线
Engkau bak lagu dan aku bagai irama
Bersatu kita mewarnai hidup bersama
Tanpamu hilanglah nadi kita berdua
Menderita tiada haluan
窝在握心里最动听的melodi
Kau melodi yang indah
Menusuki jiwa
Tanpamu
Hidupku tak bermakna
多么实在的感觉 望着你的脸
这一刻 我到了被人遗忘的永远
Pertemuan yang tanpa diduga
像迷路的人找到回家的路线
Engkau bak lagu dan aku bagai irama
Bersatu kita mewarnai hidup bersama
Tanpamu hilanglah nadi kita berdua
Menderita tiada haluan
窝在握心里最动听的melodi
Engkau bak lagu dan aku bagai irama
Bersatu kita mewarnai hidup bersama
Tanpamu hilanglah nadi kita berdua
Menderita tiada haluan
窝在握心里最动听的melodi
Menderita tiada haluan
窝在握心里最动听的melodi
So sorry that I couldn't put this song onto my blog's music playlist because it's not available ): So this is the only thing that I could do for you.
I hope you like this! :D
Kau melodi yang indah
Menusuki jiwa
Tanpamu
Hidupku tak bermakna
多么实在的感觉 望着你的脸
这一刻 我到了被人遗忘的永远
Pertemuan yang tanpa diduga
像迷路的人找到回家的路线
Engkau bak lagu dan aku bagai irama
Bersatu kita mewarnai hidup bersama
Tanpamu hilanglah nadi kita berdua
Menderita tiada haluan
窝在握心里最动听的melodi
Kau melodi yang indah
Menusuki jiwa
Tanpamu
Hidupku tak bermakna
多么实在的感觉 望着你的脸
这一刻 我到了被人遗忘的永远
Pertemuan yang tanpa diduga
像迷路的人找到回家的路线
Engkau bak lagu dan aku bagai irama
Bersatu kita mewarnai hidup bersama
Tanpamu hilanglah nadi kita berdua
Menderita tiada haluan
窝在握心里最动听的melodi
Engkau bak lagu dan aku bagai irama
Bersatu kita mewarnai hidup bersama
Tanpamu hilanglah nadi kita berdua
Menderita tiada haluan
窝在握心里最动听的melodi
Menderita tiada haluan
窝在握心里最动听的melodi
New year's resolution
1)Make my current saving to 10k
2)Must graduate by end of this year
3)lose 10 KG! wah a bit the hard right this 1.
4)Never repeat the same stupid mistake ever again.
5)Move on for betterment of life
6)Build good relationship with my friends
*7)Get an LV bag* (optional,can either buy myself or get someone to buy /gg)
I guess this will be all for now.Can never be too greedy in life (:
2)Must graduate by end of this year
3)lose 10 KG! wah a bit the hard right this 1.
4)Never repeat the same stupid mistake ever again.
5)Move on for betterment of life
6)Build good relationship with my friends
*7)Get an LV bag* (optional,can either buy myself or get someone to buy /gg)
I guess this will be all for now.Can never be too greedy in life (:
Monday, December 28, 2009
Places & foods
Thanks to Tzumei, I found another good place for Taiwan food.She brought me to Hartamas for this Taiwan shop near Borneo Ink. Had a great night out with Tzumei, Khai Tzer and Joe in Hartamas.
I have to say this is so far the best steam dumplings I've tried and also the closest taste to the dumplings in Taiwan. It is awesome because besides minced pork in the dumpling,there are also cabbages inside,which is the traditional way of making dumpling in Taiwan.
I would say braised beef noodle is one of Taiwan's significant dish so how could I not try the one that is most popular?Loved the soft texture of the beef.It is braised just nice,soft but not too soft.This is not the kind that will melt in your mouth the moment you put it in,rather it is something chewy and the longer you chew it,the beef taste comes out even more!
Joe's fried fish with noodle
TzuMei's pork rib rice
Had a wonderful Christmas with the love bunch, Lynn,Eugene,Denesh,Tzumei,and some others like Winnie,Lam,Lam's gf, Daniel and the gf in La Bodega Bangsar Telawi.Had great fun laughing and playing games and talking nonsense.The most typical celebration of all but yet it is the most awesome.Simplicity at its best huh?
Since it was Christmas..How can we not have wine on our table?
My specially request seafood spaghetti with cream sauce.It is absolutely delicious!
Tzumei's sandwich.Very nice also!
Epicly awesome roasted pumpkin.I'm still figuring out how to make it lol
Gene's big breakfast.Loved the awesome sauteed mushroom!
Winnie's sandwich which looked like a meatball sandwich to me!
Lynn's all time favourite, asparagus soup and I would say it is epicly awesome too!
Tiramisu in La Bodega.I don't fancy it lol.I've had my best one and so far nothing else beat it,yet.
Had a girl's day out with my kakak,Icey.We had lunch in Hakka Restaurant in The Curve,and this is one of the most difficult Hakka dish to make, suen pun zhi in Cantonese.I would say the one they selling can be improved.
Dinner at Tatto restaurant
The bread they serve was epic la.The top and bottm surface was toasted just nice,literally crunchy on the outside and soft in the inside!Sugguh mouthwatering!
Risotto with sauteed tiger prawns and asparagus.Risotto is never a dish to have it all by yourself.Even we were sharing and we couldn't finish the risotto because it became jelak after awhile.I don't find it that interesting as compared to the one I had in cafe cafe,maybe because I am never a fan of tomato sauce.
Scallop spaghetti with light cream sauce.Hated the fish inside because got the bau hanyir ):
Dining in an Italian Restaurant..How can we not try out the tiramisu?But turn out..the tiramisu is a disappointment and so is the entire dinner... ): Not that the food or the tiramisu is not nice,is just that we're expecting more.That aside,I really have to give credit.The drawing on the plate with different syrups was absolutely beautiful!
I have to say this is so far the best steam dumplings I've tried and also the closest taste to the dumplings in Taiwan. It is awesome because besides minced pork in the dumpling,there are also cabbages inside,which is the traditional way of making dumpling in Taiwan.
I would say braised beef noodle is one of Taiwan's significant dish so how could I not try the one that is most popular?Loved the soft texture of the beef.It is braised just nice,soft but not too soft.This is not the kind that will melt in your mouth the moment you put it in,rather it is something chewy and the longer you chew it,the beef taste comes out even more!
Joe's fried fish with noodle
TzuMei's pork rib rice
Had a wonderful Christmas with the love bunch, Lynn,Eugene,Denesh,Tzumei,and some others like Winnie,Lam,Lam's gf, Daniel and the gf in La Bodega Bangsar Telawi.Had great fun laughing and playing games and talking nonsense.The most typical celebration of all but yet it is the most awesome.Simplicity at its best huh?
Since it was Christmas..How can we not have wine on our table?
My specially request seafood spaghetti with cream sauce.It is absolutely delicious!
Tzumei's sandwich.Very nice also!
Epicly awesome roasted pumpkin.I'm still figuring out how to make it lol
Gene's big breakfast.Loved the awesome sauteed mushroom!
Winnie's sandwich which looked like a meatball sandwich to me!
Lynn's all time favourite, asparagus soup and I would say it is epicly awesome too!
Tiramisu in La Bodega.I don't fancy it lol.I've had my best one and so far nothing else beat it,yet.
Had a girl's day out with my kakak,Icey.We had lunch in Hakka Restaurant in The Curve,and this is one of the most difficult Hakka dish to make, suen pun zhi in Cantonese.I would say the one they selling can be improved.
Dinner at Tatto restaurant
The bread they serve was epic la.The top and bottm surface was toasted just nice,literally crunchy on the outside and soft in the inside!Sugguh mouthwatering!
Risotto with sauteed tiger prawns and asparagus.Risotto is never a dish to have it all by yourself.Even we were sharing and we couldn't finish the risotto because it became jelak after awhile.I don't find it that interesting as compared to the one I had in cafe cafe,maybe because I am never a fan of tomato sauce.
Scallop spaghetti with light cream sauce.Hated the fish inside because got the bau hanyir ):
Dining in an Italian Restaurant..How can we not try out the tiramisu?But turn out..the tiramisu is a disappointment and so is the entire dinner... ): Not that the food or the tiramisu is not nice,is just that we're expecting more.That aside,I really have to give credit.The drawing on the plate with different syrups was absolutely beautiful!
This is going to be another emo entry,summarizing of how I feel in this month.When he told me he had gotten into another relationship,I got beaten down to hell.But I am slowly getting my way up,with help,love and care from a lot of my beloved friends.For this once I really have to name names.My best friends,Icey,Jian, Marianna; Lynn, Gene,JC,Reychel,Jun Kit,Agnes,Munzillah and let's not forget the one I'm having a relationship with right now,Mr Gabbyemonana LCM.You all have been here for me this whole month.Pull me through my exams and now,pulling me through to get out of this shit.Whenever I burst into a emo crying moment,I get an instant reply and some of you are even better,talk to me and hear me cry for hours,and keep checking in for me.
I was wondering how would my Christmas and New Year be without him,and 1/1 is supposed to be our anniversary.Thank you love bunch,I had an awesome Christmas by just sitting in La bodega,talking and playing games with you all.I can have a simple yet awesome Christmas as long as you are all here with me,and thank you guys for making my Christmas so wonderful.
I didn't realize how many good friends I have with me and it was a huge mistake.Was.I am never going to repeat the same dumb mistake again.I've been out lepaking with different bunch of friends and I really thank you all for keeping me occupied and analyzing things for me.I couldn't have realize these things without your words,and I may be still stuck in an illusion that I created for myself.
Like Jun kit said..I've shed more than enough tears for him.He doesn't worth it.So yes,I am going to stop crying for him.
Yes I've been down.I have my low self-esteem moments.I wonder why things didn't work out and are they my fault.I self-examine and it caused me to be sad even more because I thought I was no good at all.But I promise I'm through these shits.I know what I'm worth.Even though I am not perfect,but someday somewhere I will bound to find someone that truly appreciates me,love me and take me for who I am.
Here are few songs that i kept repeating it to myself this month. Aqua - turn back time > Gareth Gates - too serious too soon > Raymond Lam - some fong sau song and now, I am ending this with Taylor Swift - White Horse and pay attention to the bolded sentences
Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known
[Chorus]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around
Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn't wanna be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know
[Chorus]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around
And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm sooo sorry
Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now
I was wondering how would my Christmas and New Year be without him,and 1/1 is supposed to be our anniversary.Thank you love bunch,I had an awesome Christmas by just sitting in La bodega,talking and playing games with you all.I can have a simple yet awesome Christmas as long as you are all here with me,and thank you guys for making my Christmas so wonderful.
I didn't realize how many good friends I have with me and it was a huge mistake.Was.I am never going to repeat the same dumb mistake again.I've been out lepaking with different bunch of friends and I really thank you all for keeping me occupied and analyzing things for me.I couldn't have realize these things without your words,and I may be still stuck in an illusion that I created for myself.
Like Jun kit said..I've shed more than enough tears for him.He doesn't worth it.So yes,I am going to stop crying for him.
Yes I've been down.I have my low self-esteem moments.I wonder why things didn't work out and are they my fault.I self-examine and it caused me to be sad even more because I thought I was no good at all.But I promise I'm through these shits.I know what I'm worth.Even though I am not perfect,but someday somewhere I will bound to find someone that truly appreciates me,love me and take me for who I am.
Here are few songs that i kept repeating it to myself this month. Aqua - turn back time > Gareth Gates - too serious too soon > Raymond Lam - some fong sau song and now, I am ending this with Taylor Swift - White Horse and pay attention to the bolded sentences
Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known
[Chorus]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around
Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn't wanna be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know
[Chorus]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around
And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm sooo sorry
Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now
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