Just suddenly...Feel like revealing a part of me that you might not know...Which I hide it deep within me and cover it up so that it wouldn't show...
Oh well..I tend to be confused easily when the one I loved dearly is lost...I have this feeling like...Did I do something wrong therefore it leads them to feel lost in someway?
I'd always try my best to make people whom I loved dearly happy.My mom,my family,my best friends and sorts.I'd never want to have slight unhappiness while as a psychology student,I know there are many other factors that are inevitable.
When I was young...I'm no ordinary girl...I was raised by my dad and he was a democratic dad...He'll never hit me or raise his volume at me...He'll just talk to me and explain things to me,guide me so that I could discover things by myself.
Why no ordinary?Unlike the other girls,whom played barbie dolls and read cinderella stories,I read literature and played basket ball instead.Girl friends from my primary school,they had tons of barbie dolls and cinderella kind of fairy tale stories and teddy bears,I have none until I was 10.It was a small tiny teddy bear.My dad had asthma hence why he never want to buy any teddy bears or sorts.
I found a difference between me and Reychel...She is someone who read tons of cinderella stories when she was young,and her ambition is just to be a house wife and sorts..Very typical kind of girl thinking...But for me...My career always come first...My goal is to get my Ph.D in clinical psychology,counselling and sorts...I'm more towards a counselling person as I love to hear stories about people and I tend to think/ask why...I'd love to get a master in Forensic psychology too...I do have great interest in forensic psychology as I have various book about serial killers and I did quite a few assignment based on serial killers...It is so cool for me to discover about their unique motives in...Slaughtering.I know it sounds sick but sorry lah,it is really interesting,for me.
It often drive me nuts when the case study have not find out the answer/motives for the serial killer to kill...It leaves me keep thinking why why why and how how how and surfing around looking for materials that supports my answer or hypotheses or I'd go around and ask opinion from lecturers.I'm a nuisance to them,I guess. =D But it is fun I learn so many more things which I haven't learn in class yet...Cool!
Ok..Come back to the differences...She'd just look for a good man and get married and have a family while I'd like to set up my own clinic and get my Ph.D as soon and as young as possible..I'd like to be a young Ph.D holder like...In the age of mid 30s? *giggles*
I never think whether I'd have a family or I'll just leave alone till I dies...I thought of it various time when I was with me ex-es and yeah,the few relationships which I commited a lot into it and it didn't end up on what I've expected it to be and yeah,it hurts a lot.
From there I've learned one thing..The more hopes and expectations you plant inside,the greater disappointment you'll get.Guess it is innate for human beings to protect themselves for survival...Since then I've start to protect myself and somehow...It changed/affected my personality...When I was younger...Like back in secondary school...I wasn't like this...The girl that they knew..Was always being optimistic...Jumping and laughing around,joking and teasing people around...Always look forward for future and always put a lot of hope into things...
Now...The girl that you know...Is always someone who'd like to remain neutral in all of the things that bumps into her life...As in like...I will never put hopes into something,and I'd never imagine what it'd be...I'd always be very conscious and privately and publicly aware of my own feelings...I'd always ask myself to control my own feelings so that I will not put too much expectation into things,if things happen to turn out the way I never expected it to be,the I'd not have much disappointment as I never put too much hopes and expectations into it.
To some extend and up to individual's own perception,interpretation and subjectivity,people tend to take this as pessimistic.Psychologically define pessimistic is people who'd always think on the negative side and focus on just one angle to look at thing which it have always made things difficult.
But wait!!! I'm not there,yet!!!! Is just that I don't put hope into things doesn't mean I'm being pessimistic what!Even though I stay neutral and look at things in both sides,even though I don't put hope,but it doesn't mean I look at it pessimistically.I'd still give a try if there's possibilities and I'd never think I'd definitely fail if I were to give it a try.Just let time to tell the answer lar.Because,when you put hopes and expectations into it,you're indirectly altering things so that they'd get into your way.Look,you're hoping for something,and definitely you'd work for it,so it is altering its nature,or you speed up the process of it occuring/running,towards the end or to get into your way.
I know it sounds so confusing but at least this is what I think.I'd never think I'd fail in something.I'll always take the initiative to start things and to try things out,no matter how it will turn out to be.I will never regret with the decisions I made,or going to make.
In this sense,I think I'm realistic in a sense of,my career comes first,like most of the guys does.I love babies,but if I can't have my own babies,due to whatever reasons,I will adopt a few.It is not just about building up a family,but you're actually doing a good thing,as charity.Even though I have a family,I'd still adopt one or two child and raise them well.
A princess in a fairy tale,is...very the unrealistic to me.A princess have wealth,have the face,and have a very handsome prince charming and live happily ever after.I...I'd rather have the brain than the face,and be really realistic,divorce rate in Malaysia is growing up,due to the communication break down between people.As a major psychology student and minor communication student,I know how things might work out,but still there are many inevitable factors that interrupts.And...How many of the girls out there can really find a prince charming with 5Cs and they'd really stay loyal to them?
That is why,I'd never be a princess.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Three more hours later I'm going to have my last mid-term,BioPsychology.I don't know whether I should be glad or not,because this mid-term is slightly different from the rest of the mid-terms I had all these while in HELP.This mid-term does not have essays.It contains only 40MCQs and 20 short answers.I hate short answer and I'd rather have essays.I don't mind the MCQs as I really hate short answers.I scare I might forgot some important terms which I should have incluce to get more marks.Argh.
Guess my running nose is getting worse.Having a slight sore throat right now.Early morning wake up I sneezed three times in a roll.Sucks man.I can't relax even today is my last day of exam.I still have a 8~10 pages personal development assignment to be handed in on monday and good news,I have not start a single thingyet,haven't even figure out what I wanna write about it.Power huh? -_-
It's beginning of March,I'd be really busy like hell.My finals will be on end of April hence now I have many assignments to be handed in as well as I have to attend eight frigging hours of experiments in order to get bonus marks.But normally each experiment only last for half an hour,and for each psychology subject is a must to take at least 2 hours of experiment in order to obtain 1 bonus mark.Sucks man.What more it is compulsory to attend experiments,else mark will be deducted!
I have so many weekends that I cannot enjoy starting from today.I have exam today,after that gotta rush to klcc to check out the chiffon blouse I wanted from Cresendo,then gotta rush home and try to finish my assignment as soon as possible,on sunday also have to finish my assignment,next saturday I'd be busy with Research Colloquium preview,a lot of guests will come to HELP and pay a visit so I sort off like have to be a "tour guide"
Then have to attend research colloquium some more.Sighs.Compulsory also.lalalala sienness.
Guess my running nose is getting worse.Having a slight sore throat right now.Early morning wake up I sneezed three times in a roll.Sucks man.I can't relax even today is my last day of exam.I still have a 8~10 pages personal development assignment to be handed in on monday and good news,I have not start a single thingyet,haven't even figure out what I wanna write about it.Power huh? -_-
It's beginning of March,I'd be really busy like hell.My finals will be on end of April hence now I have many assignments to be handed in as well as I have to attend eight frigging hours of experiments in order to get bonus marks.But normally each experiment only last for half an hour,and for each psychology subject is a must to take at least 2 hours of experiment in order to obtain 1 bonus mark.Sucks man.What more it is compulsory to attend experiments,else mark will be deducted!
I have so many weekends that I cannot enjoy starting from today.I have exam today,after that gotta rush to klcc to check out the chiffon blouse I wanted from Cresendo,then gotta rush home and try to finish my assignment as soon as possible,on sunday also have to finish my assignment,next saturday I'd be busy with Research Colloquium preview,a lot of guests will come to HELP and pay a visit so I sort off like have to be a "tour guide"
Then have to attend research colloquium some more.Sighs.Compulsory also.lalalala sienness.
Friday, March 2, 2007
RapidKL Bus
As common sense,rapid means frequent,meaning..Often and sorts.As today,I have only 1 hour class,and it'll be start at 10 and ends at 11.After that I had lunch with Reychel dear and Alicia until 12 as me and Reychel dear have briefing to attend to.but the briefing last just for 20minutes. So I got out and reached Block A at 12.25,and I missed the bus by just 10 seconds.
As it was scheduled half an hour once,plus with the time needed from LRT station to reach my college,is roughly 15~20 minutes,30+20 equals to 50mins to reach my college for the next bus.
I waited for one and half hour and it didn't come.By the time it was already...2.15?So I got kinda frustrated and I decided I'll just take a cab home.It is just plain stupid to think in this way, "since I've waited for so long,definitely the bus will come within 10minutes".
Hey,I got home within 15minutes,too,by a cab.I didn't know why I was so stupid and waited for one and half hour.I wasted my precious time man.Argh.Unbelivable.
As it was scheduled half an hour once,plus with the time needed from LRT station to reach my college,is roughly 15~20 minutes,30+20 equals to 50mins to reach my college for the next bus.
I waited for one and half hour and it didn't come.By the time it was already...2.15?So I got kinda frustrated and I decided I'll just take a cab home.It is just plain stupid to think in this way, "since I've waited for so long,definitely the bus will come within 10minutes".
Hey,I got home within 15minutes,too,by a cab.I didn't know why I was so stupid and waited for one and half hour.I wasted my precious time man.Argh.Unbelivable.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Oh gosh...Please don't tell me I'm falling sick again...I just recovered from sick leh...Early morning wake up have a little bit of running nose...God please please please sayang me with lotsa love don't let me fall sick again....I was sick for 3 frigging weeks leh!!!! Everyday also eat medicine and antibiotics...So frigging big some more...How to swallow wor?????I don't wanna get sick again phuweeezzzzz T__________T"
Oh well maybe I'd be more likely to get sick ba due to stresss....When you're stress your immune system will go down and yes,I AM STRESS!
I'm stressed over exams and quizzies.In this frigging week,I have 3 exams and 1 quiz,and lotsa assignments,research colloquium,in-house seminars to attend to.I'm so frigging busy busy busy.
Just finish study and log into game.Milmil told me today is his school's sports day and hence why he's skipping school and log into game.He reminds me of my time back in secondary school.Me and my bunch of friends were the organisers for my school's sports day.For sports day,we all always skip class for at least 2 weeks,just to get the field print with black lines,for the running lanes,for 100 meters,200 meters,400 meters and 800 meters.We all enjoy really much in printing and drawing lines,especially the satisfations you'll get after completing task,althought ours shirts will get black and it can't be washed off.
Besides that,we also collect name list from houses to arrange the time and who should be in which round,judging for aerobics,telling them where they can improve.A lot of things,we'll always seek excuses and skip classes.We're the naughtiest students in school but nonetheless,most of the teacher still very sayang few of us whom were in science class,included me.
Still remember during sports day,I'd be really active and busy running around.Remember in F5,I was the discipline leader for my house,and I was involved in organising sports day,and I participated in many running competition.I signed up for 200 meters,4x200 meters,400 meters and 800meters.It was my last year and I wanna leave fame in the school.So on my last sports day I was really busy.Busy running around,prepare myself for running,get myself changed and sorts.I still remember,my house's aerobic team was having low morale and they needed me,so I was forced to put down aside my duties as a QMC club member,go and talk to them,to consult them so they can do their best for our house.
Still remember I'd always have sun burn on sports day.We need to start working everything out at 6AM,we need to get to the field,check sound system,arranging medals,check the little flags and camps,food,drinks and sorts,after everyone's gone,we need to stay back to remove the little flags and clean the field until 3o'clock in the afternoon.Surely we all were dead tired,but so what,it was our last year,I'm happy,because I got number 3 in 4x200.No one was expecting me to get a place in 4x200 already because that time we was dam behind from the rest of the houses.But I was kiasu.I want to leave fame and thus...I don't know why I ran so fast and chased up with 3 other houses.I feel so proud of myself.
Anyway...that was history liao...don't think now any student would remember me...The legendary bad girl in school yet loved by many teachers...*sighs*
Oh well maybe I'd be more likely to get sick ba due to stresss....When you're stress your immune system will go down and yes,I AM STRESS!
I'm stressed over exams and quizzies.In this frigging week,I have 3 exams and 1 quiz,and lotsa assignments,research colloquium,in-house seminars to attend to.I'm so frigging busy busy busy.
Just finish study and log into game.Milmil told me today is his school's sports day and hence why he's skipping school and log into game.He reminds me of my time back in secondary school.Me and my bunch of friends were the organisers for my school's sports day.For sports day,we all always skip class for at least 2 weeks,just to get the field print with black lines,for the running lanes,for 100 meters,200 meters,400 meters and 800 meters.We all enjoy really much in printing and drawing lines,especially the satisfations you'll get after completing task,althought ours shirts will get black and it can't be washed off.
Besides that,we also collect name list from houses to arrange the time and who should be in which round,judging for aerobics,telling them where they can improve.A lot of things,we'll always seek excuses and skip classes.We're the naughtiest students in school but nonetheless,most of the teacher still very sayang few of us whom were in science class,included me.
Still remember during sports day,I'd be really active and busy running around.Remember in F5,I was the discipline leader for my house,and I was involved in organising sports day,and I participated in many running competition.I signed up for 200 meters,4x200 meters,400 meters and 800meters.It was my last year and I wanna leave fame in the school.So on my last sports day I was really busy.Busy running around,prepare myself for running,get myself changed and sorts.I still remember,my house's aerobic team was having low morale and they needed me,so I was forced to put down aside my duties as a QMC club member,go and talk to them,to consult them so they can do their best for our house.
Still remember I'd always have sun burn on sports day.We need to start working everything out at 6AM,we need to get to the field,check sound system,arranging medals,check the little flags and camps,food,drinks and sorts,after everyone's gone,we need to stay back to remove the little flags and clean the field until 3o'clock in the afternoon.Surely we all were dead tired,but so what,it was our last year,I'm happy,because I got number 3 in 4x200.No one was expecting me to get a place in 4x200 already because that time we was dam behind from the rest of the houses.But I was kiasu.I want to leave fame and thus...I don't know why I ran so fast and chased up with 3 other houses.I feel so proud of myself.
Anyway...that was history liao...don't think now any student would remember me...The legendary bad girl in school yet loved by many teachers...*sighs*
Monday, February 26, 2007
Exams
I just had 2 mid-terms today.And I found out 1 thing,nowadays I can hardly wake up at 3am and study.This morning I woke up at 3.30,I snoozed.zzzI thought I was well prepared for social psychology rather than leadership and life skill,but eventually it turned out to be I did better than leadership,well at least I thought so,still,have to wait for the results to be out then I can only make a conclusion.
I have a quiz on this coming thursday,and my last mid-term on saturday.Both quiz and midterm is biopsychology.Guess I should be able to do quite well on it like leadership and skill ba,since I got 12/15 on my first quiz without studying for it.lol.
I have a quiz on this coming thursday,and my last mid-term on saturday.Both quiz and midterm is biopsychology.Guess I should be able to do quite well on it like leadership and skill ba,since I got 12/15 on my first quiz without studying for it.lol.
CNY
The same as previous year,I had a very boring chinese new year,and I was really busy with studying.I just had my mid-terms today.I haven't even visit my god parents.Sighs,I'm such a bad daughter.Really no time le,is either I got time,my god mother not around or she's around but I'm not free.On the 3rd day of CNY,which was on tuesday I think,I went for a movie with Darren darling and Shin.We went for penunggang hantu motosikal. *giggles*. Oh well guess the comic itself should be nice but the movie was just so so.Maybe I had high expectation towards it because it was so well promoted and commercialised hence why I thought it'd be really nice.Indeed,I find blood diamond is better than it.Well the graphic effect of ghost rider was great,undeniably but still I prefer something educational like blood diamond,which it tells the true story behind each pathetic little diamond.
After movie,we went Chilis for dinner.I ordered caesar grass,Darren ordered grill salmon and herbs,while shin ordered...country fried chicken I think.I could only finish 40% of my portion as usual,and shin's 100plus got fishes inside!Shin drinks fishy 100 plus!After dinner,3 of us went for pool.I got pwned 3 rounds.Sei shin pwned me 2 round,say first time play some more,dam con man.Darren darling ishz pro.Can see already.He purposely foul himself to let me win,I knew it and I didn't take the oppotunity lol.Never like the feeling of people purposely let me win.I'd rather lose with dignity *giggles*
Back to CNY,my ang pow marney has reduced.From each year 700~800,this year I have only 500+,not even 600 yet.Sighs.So pitiful.Why no one gimme lotsa marney wan. /sigh
And I'm still hunting for new phone.Still comparing K800I Cybershot and N80.I'm so disappointed over K800I's overly basic function.I'd expected the phone resolution to have more than just 256k since it is a new phone.Guess most probably will be getting N80.N95 is truly what I want but its gonna cost me my life.It'd cost 3k and above.How to buy a phone that is so expensive wor even though I like it so much. T________________T.And with my sotongness,if I buy it hor,the phone will be a goner within half a year lor *sobz*.
After movie,we went Chilis for dinner.I ordered caesar grass,Darren ordered grill salmon and herbs,while shin ordered...country fried chicken I think.I could only finish 40% of my portion as usual,and shin's 100plus got fishes inside!Shin drinks fishy 100 plus!After dinner,3 of us went for pool.I got pwned 3 rounds.Sei shin pwned me 2 round,say first time play some more,dam con man.Darren darling ishz pro.Can see already.He purposely foul himself to let me win,I knew it and I didn't take the oppotunity lol.Never like the feeling of people purposely let me win.I'd rather lose with dignity *giggles*
Back to CNY,my ang pow marney has reduced.From each year 700~800,this year I have only 500+,not even 600 yet.Sighs.So pitiful.Why no one gimme lotsa marney wan. /sigh
And I'm still hunting for new phone.Still comparing K800I Cybershot and N80.I'm so disappointed over K800I's overly basic function.I'd expected the phone resolution to have more than just 256k since it is a new phone.Guess most probably will be getting N80.N95 is truly what I want but its gonna cost me my life.It'd cost 3k and above.How to buy a phone that is so expensive wor even though I like it so much. T________________T.And with my sotongness,if I buy it hor,the phone will be a goner within half a year lor *sobz*.
Saturday,24th of February
Saturday was sort off like a "memorable" day to me.Kononnyalah.On saturday,I was out for shopping.I bought kinda loads of stuffs that cost roughly about RM650. *giggles* I know 650 in 1 just few hours time sounds super crazy.But let me list down what I've bought.First and foremost,I bought a jacket from Roxy that cost RM250.I need a new jacket,my jacket from esprit hasn't been cleaning for years,due to the reason that's the only jacket that could keep me warm.My college is just like refrigerator.I need another jacket to replace it when I send it for dry cleaning.
Secondly I bought erm...shu Uemura make up.1 loose powder,1 blusher and 3 eye shadows,in purple,of course,green and grey color.Total up these 5 things cost me about rm230.Thirdly I bought 2 pair of shoes.1 platform and 1 slipper,total up that cost me rm90.The platform shoes I bought was so high,think roughly about 4~5inches,which is the highest amongst all my heels,even though this cannot be considered as heels.When I put it on,I was taller than bugbug for roughly 2inches.Normally when I wear my 3inches,I was still shorter than bug by half a inch.Imagine how high is my platform. *giggles*.I can't wait to wear it and hang out with Edric biez.So that I wouldn't look so gigantic. =p
Then...Reunion dinner at chilis.My meal was roughly about rm50
.This was my meal.Citrus fried chicken and prawns or something like that.The chicken wasn't as nice as before,the first time I tried it.The chicken was tender and juicy,now they over-grill the chicken,it became dry and rough.I swear,I was trying to find the right muscle line to cut it.But somehow,I just accidentally cut it into a heart shape.I swear by the name of god,I really didn't cut it into heartshape with purpose.Well,somehow,I only managed to finish what were in the picture,the rest of it fly into bugbug's plate already.Bugbug had grilled salmon and it wasn't nice.The salmon wasn't fresh thus it has the fishy salmon smell.I hate it.I think Chilis' food quality is going downhill.The only food that I still like in Chilis is country fried chicken and of course the mashed potato.Unforgetable,their grass as well.Their caesar salad and boneless buffalo grass is very nice,as well as the fujitas.But all these surely I cannot finish,surely eat less than 50% then I'm pwned. -_________-"
After dinner we went for bowling.It was my first time to bowl.And I pwned most of the old timers,besides sean and ruru I think.Sean's score was 136 and I have 98 I think.The photo was taken via Kagerou's phone and he hasn't upload it yet.Lol I think is really proven that I'm a fast learner.Even bugbug also kena pwn by me.*giggles*.But then I have the effect of after bowling.My right side of the body is in pain.My thigh,my hand,all in pain. -_____________-
Secondly I bought erm...shu Uemura make up.1 loose powder,1 blusher and 3 eye shadows,in purple,of course,green and grey color.Total up these 5 things cost me about rm230.Thirdly I bought 2 pair of shoes.1 platform and 1 slipper,total up that cost me rm90.The platform shoes I bought was so high,think roughly about 4~5inches,which is the highest amongst all my heels,even though this cannot be considered as heels.When I put it on,I was taller than bugbug for roughly 2inches.Normally when I wear my 3inches,I was still shorter than bug by half a inch.Imagine how high is my platform. *giggles*.I can't wait to wear it and hang out with Edric biez.So that I wouldn't look so gigantic. =p
Then...Reunion dinner at chilis.My meal was roughly about rm50
.This was my meal.Citrus fried chicken and prawns or something like that.The chicken wasn't as nice as before,the first time I tried it.The chicken was tender and juicy,now they over-grill the chicken,it became dry and rough.I swear,I was trying to find the right muscle line to cut it.But somehow,I just accidentally cut it into a heart shape.I swear by the name of god,I really didn't cut it into heartshape with purpose.Well,somehow,I only managed to finish what were in the picture,the rest of it fly into bugbug's plate already.Bugbug had grilled salmon and it wasn't nice.The salmon wasn't fresh thus it has the fishy salmon smell.I hate it.I think Chilis' food quality is going downhill.The only food that I still like in Chilis is country fried chicken and of course the mashed potato.Unforgetable,their grass as well.Their caesar salad and boneless buffalo grass is very nice,as well as the fujitas.But all these surely I cannot finish,surely eat less than 50% then I'm pwned. -_________-"After dinner we went for bowling.It was my first time to bowl.And I pwned most of the old timers,besides sean and ruru I think.Sean's score was 136 and I have 98 I think.The photo was taken via Kagerou's phone and he hasn't upload it yet.Lol I think is really proven that I'm a fast learner.Even bugbug also kena pwn by me.*giggles*.But then I have the effect of after bowling.My right side of the body is in pain.My thigh,my hand,all in pain. -_____________-
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